You're both absolutely right. Another problem I would like to add to the mix is that there's also a certain amount of lip service being paid to not being passive aggressive without the desire to actually change that behavior. Plenty or RPers like to claim that "if you have a problem, say it to my face" and then turn around and stir up drama when even an otherwise close friend actually does that. Anything that isn't fulfilling the asspat need is considered to be a personal attack.

The thing is that everyone acknowledges undeserved asspats and enabling = bad, but a lot of RPers want them anyway. The problem comes when their RP buddies feed into that and encourage it by giving them what they want. That's really where the troubles begin, rather than call their friend out, they whiteknight and asspat, making the situation even worse. Things are only going to improve when RPers stop encouraging or excusing bad behavior among their RP buddies.