RP Hate Meme ♥ (
anticirclejerk) wrote2012-05-07 01:15 pm
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The Tenth

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I am going to delete all the dumb, aspergers worthy discussion threads.
this is not the place for talking about butts and farts and shrimp. take that to your plurk or rpanons.
"No kidding. This breach of privacy can be argued on the fact that the people posting the caps were given permission to be in the private links. So the fault isn't on Anticirclejerk or the ACJ mod, but the component that decided to make the screencap." - Anon
the best trek 4 hours ago
Yeah go back to whiteknighting your creepy friend.
a hero to us all
ayrt
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 08:22 am (UTC)(link)if someone is engaging in harmful or outright self-destructive behavior you are hurting them by giving them positive reinforcement to continue on with that behavior
for example i have seen people who complain about their therapist telling them things that are difficult to hear get asspatted and heavily encouraged to not listen to the trained professional that is trying to help them
you may temporarily lift their mood so everyone's all smiles again but you are not helping someone troubled enough to need professional help to work through their problems by undermining the self-examination parts of their treatment in that way
this also applies to the times when a friend is themselves being an asshole to others; pretending they aren't doing anything wrong and dismissing their critics is ultimately hurting your friend
people want to have everything between their friends and themselves be sunshine and rainbows all the time
nobody wants to be that person who tells someone that they're behaving poorly because of course telling a friend something difficult will often result in that friend getting upset with you, calling you an asshole, pushing you away, etc
speaking up usually puts you into a personally uncomfortable position because it's way easier to give someone an asspat than a reality check
but what you are really doing when you avoid being honest and coddle them is that you are letting them down because you are prioritizing your own personal comfort over their needs
sometimes, yes, you have to be an ass by saying something they don't want to hear but need to hear because that in the end will be less painful for your friend than what they would experience if you say nothing and they keep going down a harmful path
You are missing the point
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 08:58 am (UTC)(link)What you do do is help them get up and get them a bandaid, and then maybe suggest that they don't run in places where it's easy to trip anymore, after they've calmed down and put the bandaid on.
DA You are being deliberately dense
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 09:25 am (UTC)(link)Putting a band-aid on it and agreeing with them when they're being deliberately stubborn, dense, or just plain wrong is not helping them in any way. You're not helping them to calm down. You're helping them to delude themselves. I.e. you are not being a friend.
Re: DA You are being deliberately dense
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 09:39 am (UTC)(link)Without helping them up, bandaging them, waiting till they calm down, and seeing if they need to go to the doctor, first?
I do not think that is the best ways to go about things.
Re: DA You are being deliberately dense
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 10:18 am (UTC)(link)Being a good friend doesn't mean getting rid of asspats entirely, or never criticizing someone's bad behavior - it means finding a balance between calling people on their shit and supporting them while they figure it out.
Re: DA You are being deliberately dense
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 10:28 am (UTC)(link)even when i was a kid if i'd insisted on running indoors and ended up tripping again and again i'd eventually be gently told 'see, this is why you shouldn't run indoors; you need to be more careful' the next time i needed a bandaid
even a mild lecture stung to hear, but it also directly pointed out what behavior i engaged in that caused me to get hurt in a way that couldn't be brushed aside
this gave me the chance to reflect on my behavior and change it
my mom wouldn't lecture me to be a huge mean bitch kicking me while i was down, but because she cared about me and didn't want me to hurt myself again
Re: DA You are being deliberately dense
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)If a friend, say, was throwing a rage-filled tantrum and hurt themselves during it, I'd help them with their injury but I would not say "That's okay, it's not your fault," because it was their fault. I would say, "This is why you should watch your temper and take time to cool down when you need it."
One time in the past year, I fainted due to poor eating habits. My friend helped me onto a sofa, brought me food and water, and when I felt better, he gave me an earful about how I got myself into that mess, and how worried I made him. And I deserved it. And it didn't happen again.
Real friends help each other, and that involves telling each other where they've gone wrong. That doesn't require abuse; it just requires a willingness to be frank and firm.
Re: You are missing the point
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 10:32 am (UTC)(link)If you insist on the metaphor, it's more like having a friend who constantly deliberately runs into walls and simply patching them up and yelling at anyone who tries to tell them "hey you should maybe stop trying to run into walls"
Re: You are missing the point
(Anonymous) 2012-05-11 02:47 pm (UTC)(link)