It takes a while before Tango starts getting into her worst of behaviors. But people started realizing they didn't really have to put up with her when Sarah broke it off, after being berated by Tango for something irrelevant when Sarah confronted her about whining passive aggressively.
The thing about Tango is that if you ever confront her, she'll immediately deflect with a red herring, trying to get you to apologize for something you did and treating you like the scum of the earth for not telling her your plans or not including her in everything or whatever minor thing that could be a simple discussion. She's never really addressed the fact that she won't confront anyone, and she gets mad at people who confront her and then drags them through the mud. She tries to force an apology out of you so that she doesn't have to feel like shit for not confronting you herself.
What results is that she learns that she can get away with not realizing that what she's doing is offensive (if we're friends and you trust me then why the fuck can't you talk to me) because anyone who's confronting her about it is doing something wrong, so boy oh boy! Why should she change? Obviously she's not wrong. Okay maybe she's a little wrong but not as wrong as they are!!
This has been the reason a vast majority of the time for people to say "I'm fucking done, Tango". This has been rinse, lather, repeat for a while. Ask virtually anyone she's pushed away and they will probably tell you that this is what made them leave.
I am magic, then. I've had to call her out on things a couple of times and after explaining to her why I was pissed off always got apologies out of her without any red herring-deflects or PA whining.
My social skills must just be more fabulous than you guys'.
Or pretty new to the Tango circle. I was pretty fine at not getting that response from her for a good long while.
Honestly, though? I hope you stick to her. I hope you can keep right there with her and catch her when she starts acting passive aggressive and I hope you can help her correct her behavior. That would be phenomenal.
She's been a good friend to me so I don't plan on going anywhere, but I don't take shit from anyone either. I'm quick-as to speak up when annoyed (though I'm the master of tact in these situations alone, things normally go smooth when I confront people). I highly doubt just one person can correct someone else's behaviour and I'm not on a mission to change her, but w/e. We'll see.
Well, then I'm glad she's got one friend who'll stick by her. I will admit entirely that I want her to grow out of this behavior.
But I am never going to speak to her again. Maybe I did not handle myself with absolutely perfect tact. Maybe I could have been more thoughtful. But that doesn't excuse her treatment of me, and I'm not going to speak to her because everything I've described was my experience with her and I do not want to have to endure that kind of emotional abuse. I don't want to deal with her deflecting the confrontations I raise to her and having her attack me and force an apology out of me for something absolutely stupidly minor. I don't want to deal with her hypocrisy of getting mad at me for not confronting her when she never confronts me.
I can't do it. Absolutely cannot. And that is the case with most of the people who were pushed away/backed off from Tango.
"She has treated me better than any of you shits she dropped ever did" "Sorry I'm so invisible to you all and that only Tango ever gave a single fuck."
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no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-29 09:41 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-29 09:58 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-29 10:07 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-29 03:34 pm (UTC)(link)The thing about Tango is that if you ever confront her, she'll immediately deflect with a red herring, trying to get you to apologize for something you did and treating you like the scum of the earth for not telling her your plans or not including her in everything or whatever minor thing that could be a simple discussion. She's never really addressed the fact that she won't confront anyone, and she gets mad at people who confront her and then drags them through the mud. She tries to force an apology out of you so that she doesn't have to feel like shit for not confronting you herself.
What results is that she learns that she can get away with not realizing that what she's doing is offensive (if we're friends and you trust me then why the fuck can't you talk to me) because anyone who's confronting her about it is doing something wrong, so boy oh boy! Why should she change? Obviously she's not wrong. Okay maybe she's a little wrong but not as wrong as they are!!
This has been the reason a vast majority of the time for people to say "I'm fucking done, Tango". This has been rinse, lather, repeat for a while. Ask virtually anyone she's pushed away and they will probably tell you that this is what made them leave.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-29 09:29 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-30 12:39 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-30 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)My social skills must just be more fabulous than you guys'.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-30 05:09 pm (UTC)(link)Or pretty new to the Tango circle. I was pretty fine at not getting that response from her for a good long while.
Honestly, though? I hope you stick to her. I hope you can keep right there with her and catch her when she starts acting passive aggressive and I hope you can help her correct her behavior. That would be phenomenal.
ayrt
(Anonymous) 2012-01-30 06:44 pm (UTC)(link)She's been a good friend to me so I don't plan on going anywhere, but I don't take shit from anyone either. I'm quick-as to speak up when annoyed (though I'm the master of tact in these situations alone, things normally go smooth when I confront people). I highly doubt just one person can correct someone else's behaviour and I'm not on a mission to change her, but w/e. We'll see.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-30 08:07 pm (UTC)(link)But I am never going to speak to her again. Maybe I did not handle myself with absolutely perfect tact. Maybe I could have been more thoughtful. But that doesn't excuse her treatment of me, and I'm not going to speak to her because everything I've described was my experience with her and I do not want to have to endure that kind of emotional abuse. I don't want to deal with her deflecting the confrontations I raise to her and having her attack me and force an apology out of me for something absolutely stupidly minor. I don't want to deal with her hypocrisy of getting mad at me for not confronting her when she never confronts me.
I can't do it. Absolutely cannot. And that is the case with most of the people who were pushed away/backed off from Tango.
Re: ayrt
(Anonymous) 2012-01-30 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)Re: ayrt
(Anonymous) 2012-01-30 10:10 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-31 03:19 am (UTC)(link)"I never got that from Tango"
"I'm just more tactful"
All implications
Re: ayrt
(Anonymous) 2012-02-01 07:54 pm (UTC)(link)"Sorry I'm so invisible to you all and that only Tango ever gave a single fuck."
Seriously it's like
right above us